I wasn’t ready to share this, but my therapist thinks it’s a good idea. So, I’m getting ready to tell you my hypersexual horror story. But this is not one of those tales where I get bitten by a sexy vampire in crotchless panties. Instead, it’s a memoir of my experience as someone who couldn’t handle my raging libido…until now.
How It All Started
When I was young, I couldn’t even mention the word sex without getting in trouble. My siblings and I had to pretend intercourse didn’t even exist. Plus, our parents told us that we were all dropped on the front porch by a friendly stork. So I assumed my folks had only ever kissed, and even that was gross.
By high school, I couldn’t even look people in the eye without feeling some type of way. I had no idea what I found attractive in others and what I didn’t. And my confusion was made worse by the fact that I started getting turned on by almost everything. There was nobody to explain the phenomenon to me at home, though.
With no real direction and limitless possibilities, controlling my sexual urges became increasingly difficult. In a short time, my urges developed into compulsions. Then the compulsions morphed into obsessions. When my obsessions started to control my life I knew there was a problem. But I still didn’t stop. And I did nothing about it for a very long time.
My sexually experimental phase lasted for quite a while. I became so loose with my standards on good sex that I forgot what I actually liked. My life was looking like a blur of booty calls punctuated by fast food meals and masturbation. And by the time I was in my early 20s, I had done just about everything with anyone who would have me.
People like to slut shame and disgrace what they don’t understand. But hypersexuality is usually a trauma response, and my sheltered life was extremely damaging to the psyche. However, it didn’t give me a reason to act like a fool. But I flew my frisky flag in the air like I didn’t care because I nothing but orgasms mattered at the time.
So as everyone else was settling down with spouses and kids, I was still sniffing crotches like a dog. Eventually, I sniffed the wrong one. Between the police reports, doctors appointments, and prescription medications, I nearly lost my mind trying to reverse that damage. And soon enough, I was lying on a therapist’s couch talking about how I became consumed by sex and masturbation in the first place.
Much to my surprise, the doctor diagnosed me with a sex addiction. Some people call it nymphomania but that’s not accurate enough. Sexual compulsions are a component to mental illness. So, they require treatment from a mental health professional in most cases. However, you couldn’t tell me that back then. In my mind, I was just happy, healthy, and extra horny.
How I Handled It
Back then, I would have told you that I handled hypersexuality like a hero. I had found a way to satisfy social norms, keep my partners happy, and bust a nut at the same time. What could go wrong?
I started going to my sex addiction therapy sessions like clockwork, and then masturbating in the parking lot afterwards to establish dominance over my life. I jerked off in my room, at public events, before dinner, and even after sex. Orgasming began feeling more like a conquest than ever before, as though therapy kicked my libido into overdrive.
And when masturbation no longer cut it, I moved to more extreme outlets that involved spending time and money I didn’t really have. I gambled with my genitals big time. And instead of being smart about it, I developed a taste for pre-packaged perversion and one-time-use-only erotica. Meanwhile, that’s how I handled hypersexual behavior for at least five years.
But lately, something new has been brewing inside of me. I never want to stop biting the forbidden fruit but I do want to be in better control of my crotch. So, I cancelled the expensive therapy and started getting real. And now, I’ve found an acceptable way to satisfy my naughtiness without making the people around me feel uncomfortable.
Where I Stand
I’ve learned that sex addiction, or hypersexuality, can affect anyone. There are countless reasons, and nobody really knows how it all begins. Either way, I’ve decided to establish some ground rules in my life because A) therapy is expensive, B) I don’t want to stop getting off, and C) nobody can do the work but me. So, here’s what I do:
#1. I Use Interactive Sex Toys on the Regular.
Sex toys and couple’s pleasure products help me tremendously. I can enjoy a customized orgasm with or without a partner. Plus, I no longer have to seek strangers to fulfill my fantasies. Thanks to advanced technologies, I can hook up with hot performers, partners, and porn stars right from my living room. And as a bonus, there’s no way I can contract an STI from a clean machine.
#2. My Partners Have a Say in How I Relieve Myself.
The days of me sneaking around to get what I want are over. I got tired of always having to apologize for my shady actions and embarrassing behaviors. Now, I let my partner(s) boss me around a little bit. And it’s kind of sex too. We incorporate elements of BDSM into our relationship, which means I have to ask for permission to get off. Then, it’s like a volcanic eruption when I do.
#3. There’s a Limit to What I Can Do in a Day.
These days, I understand that I can’t fulfill every fantasy at once. And trying to cram everything into one session really messes up my mojo. Instead, I choose a few favorites at a time. Then, I experiment with those to discover any latent urges hiding beneath the surface. Ever since I’ve been using sextech in the bedroom, it has gotten 10x easier to focus on the more important things in my life.
#4. Certain Favorites Are No Longer Available.
As a mature adult, it’s my responsibility to establish and uphold acceptable boundaries. That goes for myself as well as for others. It’s clear that certain activities are no longer on the table. But I don’t feel so bad about it anymore. Instead of feeling sorry for all the things I can’t have, I rejoice in the things I can. Besides, the best sex toys let me try new sensations, partners, and positions whenever I want.
#5. I Find Distractions When I Feel Out of Control.
When things get out of my control, I don’t immediately freak out. I stop myself from running back to bad habits and unhealthy coping strategies. That’s why I developed distractions and keep a couple on deck at all times. My crotch can have a mind of its own. So, I keep my naughty nuggets in check with fun activities that require enough of my attention to stop cravings in their tracks.
When to Seek Help for Hypersexuality
I know I’ve made several jokes here, but hypersexuality is no laughing matter. It can disrupt your life in many ways, and the consequences can be long-lasting. So, know when to get help for sexual compulsions before they become a major problem in your life.
Recognizing a sexual dysfunction can be challenging. But here’s how to tell have a hypersexuality problem:
- Disrupting Personal or Professional Relationships – If your urge to masturbate or have sex becomes more compelling than protecting jobs and relationships, you may need help.
- Costing More Than You Can Afford – If you spend excessive amounts of cash in pursuit of sexual gratification in any form, even to the point of poverty, it’s time to do something about it.
- Poor Focus and Concentration – If you can’t keep your mind centered on a task or idea without intrusive thoughts about sex, you’re a prime candidate for therapy and treatment.
- Missed Opportunities – If you lose chances to do exciting things because of your behavior or reputation, it may be a good idea to consider counseling.
- Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) – If you experience symptoms of or get diagnosed with a sexually transmitted disease, stop having sex with people and seek medical attention ASAP.
- Injury or Abuse – If you or your partner become injured during sex or either one experiences abuse, don’t ignore it.
Remember, sex should be enjoyable. But it shouldn’t write a horror story in your life.