6 Signs Your Partner Is Addicted to Porn

It’s very difficult to have a healthy relationship with an addict. This is especially true if your partner has an addiction to porn. A porn addiction interferes with a person’s ability to have a normal, healthy relationship. If your partner is compulsively viewing porn, then his attention is on it – not on you – even when you’re trying to be intimate with him. To put it another way, he has a relationship with porn that is more important than his relationship with you. It’s not much different than having an affair. Sadly, he can’t have it both ways.

Granted, some couples use porn (together) to light the fire under a relationship that’s gone flat or to add some variety and excitement. If there’s a mutual agreement and you’re viewing it together, that’s entirely different than having an addiction to porn – unless, of course, you both become consumed with it and your relationship suffers as a result.

If your partner does have an addiction to porn, you probably sensed that something was wrong even though you couldn’t quite figure out what it was. What you do know is that your relationship isn’t fulfilling – at least not for you – and something needs to change if it’s to continue.

Following are 6 warning signs that your partner has an addiction to porn. If at least some of them seem to fit, don’t ignore it – at least not if you hope to salvage your relationship.

1 – Your partner has become more withdrawn. If your partner used to be socially active and now makes excuses to avoid social activities, spends unusual time online, or is spending increasing amounts of time alone, it may be due to an obsession with porn.

2 – He spends an excessive amount of time online. Individuals with an addiction to sex often use the Internet to satisfy their craving for more. The supply is essentially endless and a lot of it is free. The red flags should go up even higher if your partner is secretive or tries to hide what he’s been viewing, or if he’s online late at night or early in the morning – when you’re in bed.

3 – Your partner seems emotionally absent from the relationship. This is often the most notable during sex. You’re together physically, but he seems to be elsewhere mentally. You’re feeling less fulfilled as a result and he doesn’t seem to care.

4 – Your partner has become increasingly critical of your body or overall appearance. Let’s face it, who can compete with a porn star? Most of them have exceptional bodies (which have been surgically enhanced). They also are often very young (translated “firm”). The more time your partner spends viewing porn, the more he’s going to compare you (unfavorably) to the actors and models he’s been looking at for hours on end.

Your partner’s interest in sex has significantly dwindled. If you do have sex, it’s at your initiation. Additionally, during sex your partner doesn’t really seem to be into it. He may not be giving much in return while merely going through the motions. His level of arousal is quite low compared to what it used to be.

5 – Your partner’s sexual tastes have changed. Early in your relationship you may have been very compatible sexually. But now it’s as if you’re with someone entirely different. He wants to do new or unusual things with which you aren’t comfortable. He’s talking differently and acting differently whenever you’re having sex. He’s rougher, more demanding, and basically treating you like an object – not someone he loves.

6 – He’s evasive, lying, defensive, or secretive. Your partner’s addiction to porn is hurting your relationship because he’s not being honest with you and he’s shutting you out. If you attempt to talk to him about it, he’s either evasive or gets defensive. He hides pornography from you, keeps a private email address, and spends money on pornography and lies about it to you.

There may be other signs of an addiction to porn as well, including mood changes and an increasing detachment from you. If you’re noticing any of the above signs then your relationship is in serious trouble. Without an open, honest conversation – which is always a challenge with an addict – it isn’t going to get better. If you stay and tolerate it, you’re enabling him.

Your best bet is to confront him – in a non-blaming, non-attacking manner – and insist that he come clean with you. If he refuses, then insist on couple’s counseling to talk about the relationship (sometimes that will open the door to him getting into treatment). If he refuses that as well, then it’s time to take a break from the relationship.

Don’t get back into the relationship until he has gotten the help he needs. If he never does get help, then be grateful that you spared yourself more pain down the road. You deserve a partner who makes you a priority in his life – not someone with an addiction to porn who makes it his top priority.

 

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